Not Afraid Anymore
by adevotedreader
Summary: As far as he was concerned, there wasn't anything to lose by sleeping with Steve. It wasn't possible for their relationship to be any more toxic. Might as well get something out of being forced back together. Inspired by 'Not Afraid Anymore' by Halsey


As far as he was concerned, there wasn't anything to lose by sleeping with Steve. It wasn't possible for their relationship to be any more toxic. Might as well get something out of being forced back together.

 _The smack of his back against the wall was loud as Steve picked him up, attacking him with his mouth. There was no tenderness in the assault, but they didn't want any sweet nothings and false promises. As Tony wound his hands in Steve's hair best as he could, Steve deepened the kiss and pulled Tony's legs further up to wrap higher around his waist._

It was convenient for the two of them to release their tension together. No messy feelings and the likelihood of either picking a physical fight outside of the bedroom was lessened.

 _Steve's mouth traveled from Tony's, down across to his neck where he sucked a deep bruise into the skin. A jolt of danger flowed through Tony at the vulnerable position. The once deep seated abject terror that he used to feel at the very sight of Steve after Siberia had faded. Being in this position, without the suit and intimately open, was almost its own reward for the fuck you that it threw in the face of his fear. As he scratched his nails down Steve's back though a dark thought floated past that the fear was also what made it so satisfying._

The first time that they did this it was all anger. Just another way to hurt one another. They had already said every hurtful thing that they could, had already beaten each other half to death. Why not continue on this path of self-destruction. Steve might have broken his heart, tattered his hopes for a new family, but Tony had never given much value to his body. Just another tool. Another weapon.

 _As their skin grew damp with their exertion and Steve panted half formed words into the crook of his neck, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, enjoying the building sensation of orgasm._

 _"God, Tony. You just take this so well."_

 _That brought him back from the almost peaceful space he had been drifting in, and with a low snarl he bit the juncture of Steve's shoulder and neck. What should have been a reprimand at breaking their silence only served as an encouragement for Steve as his hands dug further into Tony's hips, sure to leave bruises come morning, and the tempo of his thrust increased._

There were some rules. No marks that couldn't be covered by clothes. No sleeping over. And no telling any of the team. That certainly didn't stop everyone from knowing. But there was never any question that this was anything but sex.

 _"More." The wet slap of skin against skin picked up and his angle against the wall was shifted, increasing the depth of penetration and increasing the sharp rubs against his prostate._

 _"Touch yourself."_

 _Without hesitation Tony reached down, stroking his erection with short movements, concentrating on the head. It was clear that neither was going to last much longer, and the sooner this was over with the better. A sharp pointed thrust that was finished with a harsh grind into him had Tony spilling over his hand. The counterpoint of pain as he snapped his head back into the wall he was braced against sharpened the pleasure, drawn out by the last abortive thrusts Steve made as he also reached completion._

As Steve caught his eye from across the room he knew that tonight would be one of those nights. It was almost cruel how well they matched each other sometimes. As they stood on the horizon of the upcoming storm, they weren't afraid of what they could do to each anymore They could not push each other farther away emotionally, and it wasn't possible to pull away physically.

Any regret he might have had faded with the memory of the feel of metal on metal, the sharp sting of cold air and the smell of burning. And after all, there was something so delicious about something so impure as defiling this false paragon of virtue.

Heaven wasn't going to take them. Might as well continue on this road to hell.

 _As they each caught their breath Tony cringed as he became aware of the sticky mess between his thighs and the tacky feel of his skin, just starting to feel chilled as his heart calmed. Just as they began in silence and darkness, they pulled apart, with Steve pulling his clothes back on and returning to his room. It was with a sigh that he pulled himself away from the wall, and walked to the bathroom to clean up._

And so when the clock ticked past twelve and he heard the door slide open, he walked forward to meet Steve with a kiss, whiskey on his breath, and only the slightest hint of disgust with the pair of them crawling across his skin.


End file.
